More bang for your buck, more mother for your fuck [entries|friends|calendar] Ms. Mazmanian [ website | Facebook ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

You know what?? [23 Jan 2010|08:05am] [ mood | hurt ] FUCK LOVE. I QUIT. 3 joined me join me in death

[13 Dec 2009|09:52pm] [ mood | blah ] Why do I want to get married so badly? WTF is wrong with me? 4 joined me join me in death

[08 Jul 2009|02:28pm] Nevermind. I just lost my job. I don't know what I'm going to do... 5 joined me join me in death

[22 Apr 2009|02:00pm] NO more dating. PERIOD. Fuckers... 1 joined me join me in death

[18 Feb 2009|02:25pm] I hate everything about my life right now. 2 joined me join me in death

Hi-ho, hi-ho... [10 Dec 2007|06:52am] [ mood | cheerful ] It's off to work I go!! Today's my first day at Mercy. Wish me luck! Hopefully, I won't spill any specimens on the floor. x0x -Lindz 4 joined me join me in death

Sleep. [23 Nov 2007|05:01pm] To You and You and You and You, I am writing this because none of you ever really knew me. You may think you did with all of your heart, but you didn't. If I didn't even really know myself, how could you? I'm writing to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you never listened to me. I had a voice. I had a message. I had a so-called beautiful mind that could seemingly touch the lives of others. But the voice is dead and gone. I killed it for the sake of society. For the sake of you and you and you and you. I won't be your propaganda. I won't be your lifetime joke. I won't be the one that got away. I'll be the one that left in a self righteous blaze of glory. A final fuck you to all that I could have been and would have been. Because I'm a big, emotional trainwreck that no one sees fit to love. Maybe, I don't deserve to be loved, anyway. It's been proven to me in every relationship I've been in. So, why bother to pursue something that for me is so unobtainable? You can all go and find your easy bedmate. I hope she enjoys where I used to lay. I've got a better place to sleep now. I don't want to be a burden to you and you and you and you any longer. Hell, it seems like that's all I was ever good for. Come to Lindz in times of distress, let her run loose the rest of the time. She doesn't need anything. She doesn't need to feel like someone actually gives a shit - because you liars never did. You thrived off of me like slugs. Well, I'm salt now, so you should start to feel the sting soon. I'm not going to cause you pain or distress or misery any longer. I'm going home, where I belong. Where you don't have to worry about me for another day of your precious little lives. Where you don't have to see my face or hear my voice or wonder what I'll be up to. Where you can live life to the fullest because I know damn well, I never let you. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for that, because I am. And "sorry" only says so much. I could apologize to you thousand times and it would still mean nothing. My behavior is apparently unforgivable, so why give myself an opportunity to keep messing up? I'm finished now. But all I have to say is keep going. Keep living. Christ, it's never been as easy now that I won't be here to stand in the way of you. Do all the things you ever wanted to do, because now, I won't be here to tell you that you can't. I won't be here at all. And that's beautiful. Keep living. Keep laughing. And though it kills me more than anything to say this, keep loving. You deserve the happiness that I could not provide. I love you. Ten thousand times, I love you. She screams in silence now. 6 joined me join me in death

[22 Oct 2007|09:03pm] Suicide is painless. It's life that hurts the most. And I'm so fucking selfish That I'd rather be a ghost. join me in death

Party party [22 Oct 2007|12:18pm] My homie Casey is having a throwdown in downtown Annapolis for his CD Release party: </a> You. Me. There. And that's the word. 1 joined me join me in death

[31 Jul 2007|01:47pm] I am off until Thursday. If anyone wants to hang out, call me. Granted, I'm quite broke from Vegas, but still, this is not an often occurrence, people! Call me! Please!!! x0x join me in death

[05 Mar 2007|02:54am] [ mood | nauseated ] From now on, it's lettuce leaves and diet pills. I've become excutiatingly overweight. It makes me disgusted every time I see myself in the mirror. Ugh. I have to keep him interested in me. Especially since Amber frequents the club and I am nowhere near as attractive as she is. I'm hideous. Ugh. I'm such a sow...and a very ugly sow at that. I need to drop at least twenty pounds. Then, I might be acceptable, weight-wise. Who is to say if my face will ever be okay? Fucking hideous... 3 joined me join me in death

I am not afraid to keep on living... [19 Dec 2006|08:52pm] [ mood | calm ] So, I went and did all my stuff today. It wasn't too bad. I'm actually not as scared as I was last night. I've convinced myself that I really can't possibly have HIV since my boyfriend (my only sexual partner) doesn't have it (cos he was just screened and was negative), and I've never used intravenous drugs. Those are the biggest ways to get it. So, I'm not worried about that. I had my blood tests and went to the GI doctor. The blood testing was really fast. They took three tubes. The Quest people always make it so much faster and easier than anyone else I've ever gone to. I'll get those results in a few days, hopefully. The GI doctor I went to said that a lot of what I've been experience is most likely due to the hardcore antibiotics and painkillers I've been taking from the hospital as of late. He also said that some of the nausea could be caused from switching to the patch off of the pill. He examined me a little and then said that he doesn't want to scope me or anything unless things worsen. Whew. So, I've been taking acidophilus and drinking this acidophilus milk from Giant, also, drinking pure cranberry juice and eating fiber/protein bars. I feel a shit-ton better already, but that doesn't mean that I'm cured yet. I'm thinking that I either have diabetes or my thyroid is being a bitch again (I did miss a hormone dose there...), maybe Lupus, but only time will tell. I still ask that you keep good thoughts for me. If I'm clean enough (ie, no HIV or cancer, etc), I'm going to save up to get my Patient/Black Parade Leader tattoo. This CD didn't really do it for me at first, but now, I'm in love with it. The last song (Famous Last Words), in particular, strikes me immensely. When I get that tattoo, I'm getting lyrics under it: "I am not afraid to keep on living," or just "keep on living." So, that's about it. Please pray and hope for the best. I don't want to go yet. I'm not done here, damn it. xox 1 joined me join me in death

Aftermath... [17 Dec 2006|11:47pm] [ mood | annoyed ] So, yeah. It wasn't a tapeworm. It was the lining of my colon. And if the problem progresses, I'll have to have my colon removed. Yes. Happy Holidays. Wait, no. Fuck that. I'm not going to let this depress me. Although I've been subject to a lot of shit this year (in my own mind, I see it that way), I shouldn't let it tear me up. I'll kick its ass first. Whatever. Must go. Bye. join me in death

Pull the tapeworm out of your ass... [16 Dec 2006|10:16pm] [ mood | annoyed ] So, I'm going into the hospital again. And I decided that I really can't work. I'm just going to bang out 45 credits as soon as possible over minimester, spring, summer, and fall, and possibly another minimester. But I want out of college. The reason I'm going to the hospital is because..of something really disgusting. Please don't judge. I'm so embarrassed and mortified by it. I have a tapeworm. I finally shit tonight after about three weeks, and I had to pull it out. It was dead, but there are probably hatching larvae in me, too. Hence, the illness, extreme weight loss, constipation, and intense abdominal bloating. So, this sucks. I really hate 2006. Later. 2 joined me join me in death

Boredom [13 Oct 2006|01:22am] Have fun. Stole it from Emma. ( Jealous people poison their own banquet and then eat it ) join me in death

So... [03 Jul 2006|01:19pm] [ mood | okay ] Tonight @ the 8x10: Miss Hatu & the Darkness! Okay, you know the drill - or, at least, you should by now. Doors are at 7, music starts at 8. Address: 10 E. Cross Street Baltimore, MD 21230 (in Federal Hill) Telephone: 410-625-2000 Website: http://www.the8x10.com This club is 18+ and it is $3.00 to get in tonight. Come out for some good times. Please! x0x join me in death

P fuckin S: [23 Jun 2006|03:40pm] Just wanted to remind you to come out to the 8x10 in Federal Hill on Monday to hear me and Norris play at Open Mic Night. We are going to kick ass, so be sure to make it! Doors are at 7, but the music usually doesn't start until 8. Here's what you need to know: The 8x10 10 E. Cross Street Federal Hill (Baltimore), MD 21230 410-625-2000 the8x10.com Don't miss this!! We're playing some good stuff! Be sure to bring some friends, too! See you Monday night. Be there! :D join me in death

LISTEN UP!!!!! [19 Feb 2006|10:26pm] [ mood | calm ] It's five bucks. Under 21 pay an extra three at the door, but it's worth it. GO. join me in death

Rockstars. [01 Aug 2005|12:44pm] [ mood | flirty ] Goddamn, I love dirty, sweaty, nasty, grungy, FILTHY, post-coital, boozing, smoking, swearing, oversexed, over-drugged, overworked, fucking rock stars. Guh... Just thought I'd share. Hey, this entry is public! Woo. ;D 2 joined me join me in death

F-O [15 Mar 2005|11:35pm] 7 joined me join me in death

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